When I knew that I had to write about interpersonal
conflicts in this blog post, the memory which came to mind was the vacation I
had in Melbourne with a friend during last summer break. Many things happened
in this trip but I thought I should just mention one incident in brief.
When we first landed in Melbourne, our prime concern was to buy a local sim card. We each bought one from 7/11 and started figuring out the steps to activate the card. It took us extremely long to figure it out, because the instructions were not clear and the shop assistant was also clueless about it. Luckily for us, we found a tourist information centre and finally cracked the code only after about three unfortunate hours. All this time, the access code was actually the 7/11 receipt number of our purchase! However, by the time we realized that, my friend had somehow misplaced the receipt and her AUD $10 phone card was then rendered useless.
She was quite worked up when it happened and became irritable. I tried my best to help her and even went back to the 7/11 store to ask if another receipt can be generated, all to no avail. When all else failed, she was extremely devastated and threw a fit over it. I knew she had a nasty temper, so I kept quiet while she fumbled through her luggage angrily, and raised her voice while she complained. People were staring and I felt embarrassed because it looked like we were having a fight. My sympathy slowly turned into annoyance because to me, it was unnecessary to make a big fuss and dampen the high-spirited vacation mood over $10. I still did try comforting her and casually said that losing $10 beats losing the entire wallet, in an attempt to lighten the mood. I didn’t realize that she would think it was inappropriate and “bad luck” to say something like that and she actually yelled, “Why would you say this kind of thing!?!” Faces turned and everyone within a 5 meter radius could hear her. I was utterly embarrassed and startled. She turned her back towards me and walked away towards the train station leaving me behind in shock. I couldn’t believe my friend of six years left me behind like that, but could only control my anger and tagged along dejectedly.
This was just the start to many conflicts we faced during this vacation and I was extremely exhausted and upset after the trip. Most of our conflicts arose due to differences in values and being too quick to judge the situation. Also, perhaps the argument we faced at the start of the trip built up inner grievance and unhappiness, causing us to lose our temper more easily from then onwards.
Looking back, if I could have done things differently, I would lose my narrow-mindedness and learn to cast my pride aside and forgive my friend for her behavior. Because I couldn’t let go my own unhappiness, it made the trip tormenting for me and it probably affected her too. Although I didn’t feel it was right for her to throw her temper at me, there were things I could have done on my part to lessen the tension. I could have talk things through with her instead of keeping all the pent up emotions to myself and clarify the matter and understand each other’s point of view. What would you have done differently in my shoes?
Hi Kaylyn. I think your blog post is interesting and I'm sure many of us have had conflicts with our friends before and so, I find your situation really relatable. Your blog post reminded me of my own conflicts with my friends and how I had handled the situations. Sometimes, it is easy to forget to not take our friends for granted, especially those whom we have known for so many years. She might have been angry at herself when she realized she misplaced the receipt but instead, took it out on you. Given that you and she have been friends for 6 years, she might have thought that you would not mind her venting out her frustrations.
ReplyDeleteI think you did the right thing by staying calm and trying to lighten the situation while finding a solution. Perhaps you should have also reminded her gently that you were trying to help her and that she should calm down so that she could think more clearly. This might have made her take a step back and realize that she was being too harsh on you. If this does not work, then perhaps you should have given her some time alone before talking it out with her. I agree that quarreling over an AUD 10 SIM card is trivial and would have definitely made the trip an unhappy one if you and she did not solve the conflict. This might also have affected your friendship with her in some way so I suppose clearing things up with her is really important. Maybe you could also advise her to take note of her short temper since this could affect her personal and her working life.
Hello Kaylyn, I can really relate to your blog post. I have travelled with a friend before and misunderstanding or arguments happen quite often. I think stress from travelling free and easy might have been one of the contributions. Money can also be a problematic issue when travelling. Keeping your emotion bottled up is definitely not going to help because it will build up, as you get sensitive to the smallest things (I have experienced it and it is not fun). In the worst possible circumstances, your emotion might even burst out at a point during the trip (glad this did not happen to you).
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that you should have talked it through with your friend. Maybe you could have addressed any conflict immediately whenever it arises so that it does not escalate. It is important to also genuinely apologize if you are in the wrong. It is not easy to apologize because we think apologizing first would mean that we are at fault. I guess it boils down to how much you treasure a relationship. As mentioned by Ashikin, you really did a good job by staying calm. I am sure your friend did not mean to get angry with you. If I were in the situation, I would have given her some time to calm down and overcome her frustration.
Well all I can say Kaylyn is that travelling with someone is the best way to know what they really are! Your post is certainly interesting and touches on significant points about interpersonal conflict. However, I think you spent more time describing the whole experience than you did analysing it in terms of EQ, verbal and nonverbal behaviour. Also, the post is rather long- try and stick to 300 words.
ReplyDelete